Oft-vilified Bears safety Chris Conte has had a few good games recently, but told reporters at Halas Hall this week that his performance was a “total fluke.”

“That interception I made was an amazing testament to the physicality and athleticism of today’s NFL,” remarked the veteran player many fans still blame for single-handedly crushing the Bears’ playoff hopes in 2013.

“But it won’t happen again,” he said. “It is simply unacceptable for me to play that way, and I’ll return to sucking soon enough.”

Teammate Lance Briggs also announced plans to “start sucking big time” as part of a new marketing campaign for the Big N Beefy Ribs at his restaurant, the Double Nickel Smokehouse.