A Chicagoland medical team has recently begun to perform an autopsy on the 2014 Chicago Bears, hoping to find an answer why the once-promising team suddenly rolled over and died at the midway point of the season.

Dr. Henry Mattingway, the leading pathologist in charge of the autopsy, told media sources, “We know that the City of Chicago wants answers as to how their beloved Bears could suddenly fall ail and die in such a spectacular and, frankly, disgusting way with little-to-no warning. Rest assured, we will give this matter the precise attention it deserves. We can only hope that we can help the citizens of Chicago can come to terms with this whole tragedy from what we can find.”

“But, if I had to guess,” Mattingway added, “it probably had to do with that defense. That God awful defense.”

Jeff GoodSmith