The fate of the entire universe hangs in the balance Sunday night when the Bears take on the Packers, but you wouldn’t know it based on the lack of concern from anyone who lives outside Chicago.
“The who are playing the who?” asked a New England Patriots fan. “Oh, right, those two teams from Detroit or whatever. Is it their first time playing each other”
According to Chicago Bears fan Mark Benson, people across the globe should be spending as much time with loved ones as possible before Sunday Night Football kicks off.
“It’s sad, really. All these innocent people going about their business in New York or Denver or even Tokyo, totally unaware that the world will cease to exist if the Bears lose in Green Bay and go to 3-6 on the season,” said Benson. “I don’t fully understand how it works, but Coach Ditka said it’ll be like the Polar Vortex times a thousand and then — poof — we’ll be gone faster than a running back bursting through the Bears’ secondary.”
Bears quarterback Jay Cutler had mixed emotions about the potential end of life as we know it.
“On the one hand, it would suck knowing that my team brought down the world,” he said. “Then again, there’d be nobody left to blame me for it, so that is definitely a silver lining.”