As another Chicago Bears season is upon us, team owner Virginia McCaskey was asked to share her thoughts about her team. McCaskey, however, had only one topic she wanted to discuss: Jon Bon Jovi.
“That’s an NFL owner if I’ve ever seen one,” McCaskey girlishly squealed. “The hair, that smile, the bad boy rock star attitude. Can someone get me some water? What are the people of Buffalo waiting for? There’s your new owner right there. I haven’t felt this strongly since Pat [Bowlen] was approved.”
When pressed why she felt so strongly that the Jersey rocker should own an NFL team, McCaskey was quick to elaborate.
“He’s been a successful businessman for almost 30 years. I’ve been a fan since I bought Slippery When Wet. Hey, it was the 80’s and all us girls were teasing our hair with aqua net and wearing blue eye shadow then. I still get chills hearing You Give Love a Bad Name. I have to admit though I was more of a Def Leppard girl, but Johnny and those Jersey boys were right up there.”
McCaskey was asked about the notorious rumors of her love of karaoke. For years there has been word underground that a grandmotherly figure was singing such standards as Pour Some Sugar On Me, Welcome to the Jungle, and her staple, Every Rose has Its Thorn.
“Guilty. You might have seen me at Trader Todd’s a few times,” admitted McCaskey. “I plan to take Johnny there. I’m so excited to finally meet him tomorrow. Seriously, I’m gonna like freak out. I’ve been working on my Never Say Goodbye.
There have also been unsubstantiated reports that every NFL owners’ meeting starts with McCaskey singing her rendition of Bad Medicine at the request of Carolina Panthers owner, Jerry Richardson. McCaskey started a tradition that once a new NFL owner is approved they must stand up and sing at their first meeting. McCaskey is hoping this year she will be able to duet with Bon Jovi.
McCaskey was then asked about her prediction for the Bills vs Bears game.
“Game? I’m meeting Jon Bon freakin’ Jovi tomorrow,” McCaskey shrieked and shook her clenched fists in excitement. “Who cares about the game?”
“Johnny’s gonna be sitting right next to meet at these meetings, which I’ll suggest need to happen once a week. Please god let him wear those tight jeans. I might faint. Oh Johnny that seat is ready for you.”