With World Cup fever heating up after the U.S. team’s dramatic 2-1 win over Ghana, one American soccer superfan has been wowing coworkers and friends alike with his ability to state the full names of three players currently representing America on the national team.
When media sources reached out to Chicago’s Donald Winters regarding his impressive knowledge, he stated, “You bet I can name three players. There’s the goalie Tim Howard, though they call it ‘goalkeeper’ outside of the states, Clint Dempsey, who everyone knows, and of course, Beasley. Michael Beasley? No, that’s the basketball player. DeMarcus Beasley, that’s right. So, yeah, I can name them all.”
Winters has also astonished Americans with his innate knowledge of soccer terminology, such as using the word “pitch” to describe the field, his basic understanding of the concept of “stoppage time,” and his insistence that a match with a 0-0 score is referred to as being at “love-love.”
When reached for a final comment, Winters said, “What can I say? I’m pretty much the biggest soccer fan that I know. I’m just so glad that we can rally around our team for the World Cup…oh wait! I just remembered another player on the team! Landon Donovan, duh! So that’s four players I can name.”