“What’s up, bro!” “Can you believe the tourney is here?!” “How did Johns Hopkins get screwed so badly…WTF.”
It’s that time again, when undersized, angry fraternity brothers from the East Coast are up in arms about how the selection committee did them no favors whatsoever for the upcoming lacrosse tournament.
“Come on, bro. Virginia, a #8 Seed. We’re better than that, man. And Duke a #1 Seed? They do not deserve the #1 Seed overall. Also, how does Harvard get in when Dartmouth totally gets the shaft. It’s like the worst social injustice on the planet imaginable.”
If you see this guy in your office, presumably yelling at the copy machine or talking up his sexual exploits aka “sexploits” in front of the receptionist, try to steer clear of him this week if at all possible. He’s not just repressed and angry anymore, he’s ready to lash out against you because Albany has to face Loyola in College Park in the first round.
Editor’s Note: You may also find this fan at TGI Fridays, buying new pleated khakis at Eddie Bauer or cutting in line at Starbucks because he’s late for a really important meeting. Do not approach him. Simply bury your head in the Wall Street Journal or look away. In his eyes, the Penn-Drexel game is bigger than the NBA finals, NHL playoffs and NFL draft all rolled into one and he’ll tell you:
“You’re gonna’ lose that argument bro.”