Jonathon Toews’ shoulder injury was more serious than expected, and Wednesday the Blackhawks announced that he would be out for the remainder of the regular season. While Toews was not available for comment, rumors are swirling that he plans to recover while watching entirely too much HGTV.
“He’s partial to Holmes on Homes and Property Brothers,” a source close to the situation claimed. “And don’t even get me started on all the episodes of House Hunters and Love It or List It. Wow. That guy has a real problem.”
Our same source let it slip that Patrick Kane, the forward whose left leg was “injured” in a game against the St. Louis Blues over a week ago, was treating the knee with current and previous seasons of Dancing with the Stars. We also learned that he might have been caught a time or two dancing the tango and the cha-cha on that same left leg.
“I definitely know this to be true,” the source said, grinning. “I even have a picture of Kane dancing!” And indeed, he did, though the photo appeared to be several years old and printed out off the Internet.
Kane, Toews, and the Blackhawks organization had no comment when contacted before publication. “Is this one of Sharp’s stupid jokes again?” groaned one of the front office staff before hanging up. Indeed, Front Office Staff Member, an addiction to reality television is no laughing matter.