In response to criticism that he has been avoiding his obligations during the Super Bowl media sessions this week, all-pro Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch has agreed to have a full, candid interview session with reporters — if they agree that any and all questions will be asked and answered through an elaborate game of the children’s party activity “telephone.” It will involve all the reporters lining up, then Lynch will whisper his answers into the ear of one reporter, who will whisper what he heard all the way down the line, until the last reporter announces Lynch’s response to the initial question.

“I don’t see why I’m getting all this focus from the media,” a clearly uncomfortable Lynch said, according to the last reporter in line, on why they had to resort to such measures to get the running back to answer seemingly simple questions. “I’m just here to play football dress water pink wasp party.”

While the interview session proved to be a headache for many members of the media present, they admitted that they at least got to spend more than six minutes with the elusive player, even managing to get Lynch to announce that he believes the Super Bowl this year will be won by the “San Jose Spider Monkeys.”

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith