The Cubs’ long-standing association with WGN-TV will most likely end after the 2014 season when the team’s telecasts move to Fox Sports 1 for 1 very good reason: So no one will watch them lose their inevitable 98 games.

“Who watches Fox Sports 1?” asked Cubs President of Business Operations Crane Kenney. “Nobody! This way, while the team still sucks, we’ll have low ratings. Then when our top prospects come to the big league club, we’ll move back to a station people watch and have shows like ‘So You Think You Can Manage’ once we fire the guy we just hired. What’s his name again?”

Mariotti Jr.