After a 6-1 game 6 victory over the St. Louis Cardinals gave them their third World Series title since 2004, fans of the Boston Red Sox have promised a grateful nation that they will stop talking about beards until NHL Playoffs begin.
Red Sox manager John Farrell, who was one of the few members of the Red Sox to go through the playoffs clean-shaven, told reporters, “Listen, it’s been a great run for people who like excessively talking about the facial hair of 25 people ad nauseam, but I think we all would welcome a much deserved break from focusing so much attention on beards. I think by the time the Bruins make the NHL playoffs, this city will be ready to go crazy over the natural end-result of a human male not shaving his face once again.”
Even Cardinals fans have taken solace with their loss, with one St. Louis resident telling reporters, “Well, I’m obviously saddened that we lost, but on the bright side, I don’t have to read one more article about someone’s ‘glorious’ facial hair. Just knowing that we have until at least April before having to be assaulted with nothing but sports-related beards makes this so much easier to bear.”
By Jeff GoodSmith