In hopes of solidifying their woeful defense, the Chicago Bears announced they have replaced defensive coordinator Mel Tucker with Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau.
“The move just made too much sense,” said Bears GM Phil Emery. “We needed a top-notch defensive mind, and Thibs was right down the street.”
Thibodeau will not relinquish his duties with the Bulls. Instead, during Sunday Bulls games, Chicago starters will play 48 minutes while a tape recording of Thibodeau screaming “Stay up! Stay up!” is blasted from the sidelines.
“We’re going to shake some things up here,” said Thibodeau, the 2011 NBA Coach of the Year. “First off, none of this soft zone stuff. In your face, man-to-man defense is all I want to see. Second, I was informed that Lance Briggs is out for six weeks. Not anymore. If you can walk, you can play four quarters. Finally, Keith Bogans is the new free safety.”
In related news, the Cubs announced that Thibodeau will interview this week for their vacant managerial position.