The international Quidditch community was left speechless today as the Gryffindor Lions forfeited their game against the Ravensclaw Ravens. The once-proud Gryffindor franchise currently sits in last place, behind all the other Houses. Their refusal to take the field against Ravensclaw was the result of what they perceive as their terrible treatment at the hands of the Hogwarts administration.
An irate Ron Weasley, the team’s keeper, and a ginger, explained his team’s position in a press conference held in front of the entire Wizarding Community.
“For years now, Professor Dumbledore has not given us the tools we need to shoot the quaffle adequately,” said Weasley. “Also, we don’t have enough magical robes and fire bolts to have a full practice. Meanwhile, over at Slytherin House, Professor Severus Snape makes sure that his team has the latest in Nimbus broomstick technology and their snitches are golden, not made from aluminum composite by lowly Muggles.”
Speculation also remained rampant that the Slytherin House and lead seeker Draco Malfoy received improper benefits from renowned booster Lord Voldemort who once told the players before a game, “If you ain’t usin’ the Dark Arts, you just ain’t tryin.”
Among other demands by the Gryffindor house is that their personal safety be taken into account over the school’s desire to save money, meaning that giant ogres no longer attack students in the hallways, the school janitor stops growing pet dragons and Hermione Granger gets freed from a spell that turned her to stone.
Professor Dumbledore agreed to meet with the Gryffindor team during the Tri-Wizarding Tournament, however talks broke down when it was revealed that the players would receive no monetary compensation whatsoever for merchandise sales at the Harry Potter World Universal Studios Adventure Park in Orlando, Florida.