While a handful of members of the newly appointed College Football Playoff selection committee played or coached the sport, a poll of its 13 members revealed that seven have never even seen a football game.
The committee is charged with selecting a playoff system to replace the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) in 2014.
“Football? I’m a platform tennis player and big fan of canasta,” said committee member Mildred Randolph-Barclay, sixth circuit court magistrate judge from Greenwich, CT. “I spend my fall weekends in the Hamptons.”
Helmut Schroeder, a senator in the German Bundestag (Parliament), is the committee’s lone member from a foreign country. “I have been a great football fan since I was a young boy growing up in Stuttgart,” Schroeder said. “I will be contributing much, as I have attended four World Cups.”
“I’m not really sure what the hell we’re supposed to do,” Sidney R. Talbot, retired Chairman of now defunct Lehman Brothers. Talbot admitted he didn’t see a single Yale football game during his time as a student at the college in the 1950s.
“However, when I’m invited to a snazzy mid-town hotel to attend a meeting that takes less than an hour to get through with the rest of the day spent drinking champagne and eating unidentifiable types of fish brains, I’m in.”
“Diversity comes in many forms,” said BCS Executive Director Bill Hancock. “We wanted to ensure this committee was most diverse. It is comprised of Hispanics, African-Americans, Caucasians, one guy who is at least 92 years old and senile, and a few others with no clue of what a football looks like.”