In an open letter published in the Southtown Star, the White Sox assured fans that the team still exists, despite Amber Alerts posted recently on the Dan Ryan Expressway.

The letter, which occupied a full tabloid page, is a lengthy, tedious and sometimes rambling manifesto reading as if it was an entry in the diary of Miley Cyrus.

Here is, in part, a key passage from team’s communique:

“While the sports world is caught up in the hoopla surrounding the start of the NFL, NHL and NBA seasons; in the middle of the college and high school football seasons, WNBA and NASCAR Sprint Car Championships; Professional Bowlers Association events and the government shutdown, not to mention the unwarranted, unbalanced, over-hyped and totally biased coverage of that other Chicago baseball team, the Chicago White Sox Ball Club wants to remind Chicagoans that the team has existed since 1901, continues to exist today, and will exist for many decades to come.”

“We wish to thank our 16,437 fans and the hundreds of others for their support.”