Even though his team’s winless record might suggest abysmal failure, New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin was so impressed with the club’s effort on Thursday night against the Chicago Bears that he decided to reward the players by taking them all to Chuck E Cheese after the game for a pizza party.
“Sure we lost again to fall to 0-6 on the season,” said a surprisingly upbeat Coughlin. “But you know what, you guys tried really hard and demonstrated good sportsmanship and that’s all that really matters to me. Tonight, pepperoni pizzas and ice cream sundaes are on me.”
When asked by the demanding New York media if he had any answers for his team’s winless record, Coughlin shot back a glare and a snarl.
“As long as they’re having fun out there, I could care less about wins and losses and I’m sure you guys and our fans in the New York metro market feel the same way,” he said. “The fact is our guys tried hard tonight and they deserve a Chuck E Cheese group party.”
For their efforts against the Bears, each Giants player was rewarded with four slices of pizza, two sodas and unlimited tokens.
Tragically, the festivities took a negative turn towards the end of the evening. Starting quarterback and Chuck E Cheese regular Eli Manning was watching his favorite musician in the whole wide world, Banjo Bear, along with his bestest buddies Munch and Jasper T Jowls, when suddenly his older brothers Cooper and Peyton Manning came out of nowhere and stole all of Eli’s game tokens. This meant that Eli couldn’t ride the skytubes until running back Brandon Jacobs came by and agreed to trade Eli six tokens in exchange for one of Eli’s pudding pops.
As for the 4-2 Bears, they were left wondering why there was no celebration for them after winning the game. A despondent Brandon Marshall seemed to shrug off his two touchdown receptions.
“Sure, getting a win is great and all, but how come Coach Trestman didn’t do anything like that for us?” asked Marshall. “We should be celebrating and having fun at Chuck E Cheese right now, playing the dropping claw game, tossing some skeeball or shooting zombie dinosaurs. It’s just not fair.”
Unconfirmed reports continued to circulate that if the Giants covered the spread next week against the Minnesota Vikings, they would be taken to 31 Flavors for waffle cones and bunny roll cakes.