With a team batting average of just .238 and OBP of .301, both stats ranked 14th among 15 National League teams, Cubs manager Dale Sveum decided to take draconian measures by changing up regular team practices for the remainder of the season.

“I’ve decided to twerk the lineup a bit. You know, change it up,” Sveum told The Vine Line.

“Darwin Barney will wear the foam finger glove in the field, Castro puts on a thong. Rizzo moves to the mid-drift top and Dioner Navarro will go with the slimming jeans he purchased on QVC.”

In addition, Cubs relief pitchers will travel to the mound after shimmying down a pole recently installed down the left field line.