World markets were plunged into absolute chaos Mnoday as Packers fans all across the world tried to sell off their shares in the struggling team. The move was sparked amidst speculation that the Packers would probably only go 9-7 this year and lose in the first round of the playoffs.
The Packers are the only publicly owned NFL team and most of their fans own shares in the team in addition to their collection of 4XL replica Jerseys. When Packers fans discovered that there wasn’t any depth in the front seven and the running-back-by-committee approach wasn’t yielding enough yards from the line of scrimmage, it immediately prompted a run of global proportions.
A grim-faced Ben Bernanke addressed the Federal Reserve Monday morning.
“Our country, which had finally been showing signs of an economic upswing was thrown horribly off track today when Packers fans all decided to leave the bars in one-horse towns like Sheboygan and Oshkosh so they could sell off their team shares in exchange for Butter Burger vouchers at the local Culver’s,” said Bernanke. “Any chances at an economic recovery both nationally and globally have all but been extinguished.”
Tragically, shares in the Packers have plunged significantly in value in the last few seasons, mainly because of their lack of a consistent pass rush and running game and the fact that Aaron Rodgers was a jerk to former teammates like Greg Jennings.
Amid the chaos, local law enforcement was urging people to remain calm in a desperate attempt to display some semblance of order. Meanwhile, Packers fans were busy forming armed militias and breaking into the local Piggly Wiggly so that they could restock on important items such as ranch dressing, Pabst Blue Ribbon and Stouffer’s French Bread Pizzas.