In an effort to come clean and finally turn over a new leaf, suspended Brewers slugger Ryan Braun released a statement on Thursday accepting blame for his use of performance enhancing drugs. He also admitted he never even read the statement, which was prepared by his team of lawyers without his involvement.

“My legal guys took care of that,” said Braun. “It’s important people understand I have no interest in apologizing whatsoever. I deeply regret the fact I find myself in this position. But here I am. I just hope America believes whatever my lawyers made up so we can all put this matter behind us.”