Nate Schierholtz is nervous.

“I signed with the Cubs to play some day games and generally not work that hard,” said the Chicago outfielder. “I like to go hunting and fishing in October. If I get traded to some good team, I might have to actually play baseball in October. I don’t want to do that. That’s why I picked the Cubs.”

Schierholtz is worried because of his game-winning hit in the 12th inning Wednesday night, and his career-high five RBI.

“I’m going to get traded because of one game,” the bewildered Schierholtz told reporters. “If I’d known that could happen, I would have struck out. Just look at the other guys. You can tell who likes it here, and who wants to get out. Garza was pitching lights out. He clearly wanted to be traded. I think Sori wanted to go to, what with all the home runs he was hitting.”

“Some of the other guys, though. They really like it here,” Schierholtz explained. “Look at their batting averages. And the errors. No way anybody would trade for them.”

Schierholtz then hung his head.

“Gotta go, now,” he whispered as he walked away. “I got to get to the batting cages and practice missing the ball. I like it here.”

Pat Allen