Corey Crawford woke up Saturday morning with a massive headache that he hoped wouldn’t prevent him from attending the Blackhawks victory parade.
“Man, this headache is killer but I’ve got to get to the parade,” said Crawford, who thought it was Friday and had no recollection of attending the parade Friday and delivering an epic, profanity-laced 20-second speech at the team’s victory rally in Grant Park. “I better get going if I don’t want to miss anything.”
Crawford sent out a series of frantic texts to teammates asking when he needed to be at the United Center for the start of the parade. He only received a reply back from Jonathan Toews reading “LOL u serious bro?”
Confused, Crawford Googled himself to see if he missed something embarrassing. He quickly saw footage of the speech he didn’t remember and made another shocking discovery.
“Turns out half the Hawks fans out there wanted me benched in the Detroit series,” said Crawford, holding up the newly discovered championship belt he received from Patrick Kane Friday. “How you like me now bitches?!?”
Crawford then rolled over and went back to sleep, setting his alarm for next week Thursday.