Fearing a “worst case scenario” that the Spurs and Pacers face each other in the NBA Finals, Commissioner David Stern is privately “pulling out all the stops” to ensure the Heat win tonight’s Game 7 versus Indiana.

“When David gets back into a corner, he goes into what we call ‘straight gangster mode,'” said one high-ranking NBA official. “We’ve all heard about how he rigged the 2002 Lakers-Kings series, but that’s just the tip of it.”

The official — speaking on the condition of anonymity¬† — said Stern is most certainly influencing the officials in the favor of the Heat tonight, but also engaging in far more underhanded tactics.

“David’s absolute favorite movie is ‘The Godfather,’ so he likes to that route when intimidating people,” said the official. “Last night he sent a severed horse head to Roy Hibbert’s house. I heard poor Roy is pretty shaken up.”

The final straw?

“David fired the Pacers GM immediately after Game 6’s victory and secretly replaced him with Michael Jordan,” said the official. “One thing lead to another and now Kwame Brown, DeSagana Diop and Adam Morrison will join fellow Jordan draft pick D.J. Augustin in Indiana’s starting five tonight. Game over. Heat will win by 20 easy.”

hecklerstaff