With huge financial investments in sabermetrics to guide all player-personnel movements, the Cubs have decided not to participate in the upcoming 2013 Major League Baseball draft.

“We looked at the numbers six-ways to Sunday and can’t find a single player at the high school or college levels that fits our metrics,” GM Jed Hoyer told the MLB Network.

“In fact, less than half of our current roster fits our metrics. Have you looked at Edwin Jackson’s stats lately?”

Without drafting players this year, Hoyer was asked what the club will do to supplement its minor league system. Hoyer said the team’s info tech department “is working on a scouting software program that will help us to scour leagues far beyond places like Cuba and the Dominican Republic.”

“We’re traveling deep into baseball’s bowels to find players from Cambodia to Denmark to the Galapagos Islands,” Hoyer said. “Our pilot program found triplets from Zimbabwe who play outfield, so we might be set at those positions for years to come.”

“Who knows what we’ll find? Maybe we’ll dig up another Josh Vitters or Brett Jackson in Uzbekistan?”