Marc Trestman is known for being an offensive genius from the Canadian Football League with a haircut rivaling LeBron James for best sports haircut, but what few people don’t know is that he still hasn’t finished the Bears playbook for next season. Today, the new Bears head coach announced he is on schedule to finish the playbook by next October, right around Week 6.

New to the playbook is a three-down, two-minute drill and a 65-yard horizontal out routes passing set, all of which are standard in the CFL.

“Since the NFL has been uncool about their fancy 10-yard end zones and not giving points on wacky fieldgoals, I don’t know how to score points,” said a very baffled Trestman. “I am currently working on an entire Cutler package where he pushes an offensive tackle, yells at Devin Hester because he has no idea where he’s supposed to be and we score a two-point goal, which is the bread-and-butter scoring play in the CFL. That’s legal here too right?”


Brew Dreesus