Notorious lady’s man Patrick Kane today reported that he’s in a brand-new relationship with a woman he met while browsing online dating site

“I never thought of embracing Jesus Christ as the one true savior, but then I stumbled on Christian Mingle,” said Kane. “Some of these chicks are super-hot, so if going to church or whatever is going to be what it takes to hook up with as many of them as possible, then that’s what I’m going to do.”

Kane said his current flame — a 21-year-old Downers Grove resident named Cassie — is everything he looks for in a woman.

“Dude, she’s super hot,” said Kane. “All I have to do is act like I care about eternal salvation through Christianity and crap like that and she’s all sprung on me. It’s too easy.”