After an exciting overtime victory over the Stars improved their record to 4-0-0 Thursday night — which marks the team’s best start since the 1972-1973 season — the Blackhawks are now projected by most analysts to finish the season with an undefeated 48-0-0 record. While doing so, they will also make sure that no child has to go to bed hungry ever again.

After a dramatic game winning goal from Marian Hossa, who is projected to score 103 goals on his way to a 123-point season where he develops a sustainable method of agriculture that would double the world’s food supply, analysts say the Blackhawks are almost certain to set a record for highest points percentage in a season, while directly contributing to a field of nuclear fusion that would provide cheap power so that even the most impoverished nations can feed, clothe, and shelter even its poorest citizens.

When reached for comment regarding the team’s historic start, and the lofty expectations they face, Patrick Kane, who is projected to top 100 assists for the first time in his career while also devising a simple yet ingenious method of food distribution in third world countries, said, “I’m not guaranteeing that we can pull it off, but to finish the season undefeated, while saving millions of lives, would probably be the third greatest accomplishment of my career, next to the Stanley Cup win, and this one time that I played a whole game of Beirut without missing a single cup.”

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith