After suffering a fracture to his forearm in Sunday’s win over the Indianapolis Colts, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski found himself confused by the diagnosis of team doctors as his injury marked the first time the all-pro player has experienced the physical sensation of pain.

“How Gronk broke? What this Gronk feel?” a clearly agitated Gronkowski was seen asking team physicians while in the Patriots locker room. “Gronk no like. Gronk want porn girl! Picture time! Picture time!”

After team doctors patiently explained to the record-holding tight end that pain is a natural sensation felt by everyone, and would go away in time, they were forced to define a series of additional emotions previously unknown to Gronkowski, including fear, shame, and actually feeling full after eating a comically-oversized novelty sandwich.

Gronkowski’s frustrations only amplified when he noticed the fresh cast on his arm, frantically shouting, “Why Gronk arm hard?” until the doctors calmed him down by telling him the cast was made out of cheese whiz and Hustler magazines, at which point he began gnawing on it until he contently fell asleep.

Jeff GoodSmith