Cubs play-by-play announcer Len Kasper was rushed to a North Side hospital this afternoon after learning that his on-air partner, bandmate and best friend Bob Brenly would not be broadcasting Cubs baseball with him in 2013.
“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” Kasper was heard howling as paramedics rushed him into the ER. “It can’t be … we haven’t even finished our ‘Tunes from the Booth’ album yet.”
Despite constant reassurance from Brenly that this “doesn’t mean the end of the band” or the friendship, Kasper reportedly freaked out on his TV pal and immediately went through the five stages of grief.
“First he wouldn’t believe it was true, then he got so mad he hung up on me,” said Brenly. “Next thing I know he calls and says he’ll give me anything I want to stay — including all the free nachos I can stomach. When I told him the decision was made, he became profoundly depressed, then was like ‘whatever, I guess what’s done is done.'”
Moments later, however, Kasper’s wife called 911 when the Cubs broadcaster curled up in a ball and went into some form of “manic shock.”
“He just kept yelling ‘He’s outta here!'” said Mrs. Kasper. “It was pretty scary for a few minutes there.”