After squandering a 3-game lead in the AL Central, the Chicago White Sox are one game away from elimination, thanks to a horrid end to what seemed to be a season heading toward October. As a result, the team has been busy tearing out the hearts of fans who thought this might be a repeat of the 2005 World Series run.

“Do we get a giant freezer or something?” asked one Sox official. “Maybe we can call the Cubs and see what they typically do with fans’ hearts once they’ve ripped them out. They might have some ‘best practices’ for this situation.”