Wanting to show that he can party just as hard as teammate Patrick Kane, Blackhawks star Jonathan Toews announced today that he will begin traveling with the Lawrence Welk tribute band.
“I’ve heard a lot of people at bingo talk about them, so I decided to take advantage of my notoriety and travel with my favorite polka band,” said Captain Serious. “I mean, Theo Epstein traveled with Pearl Jam when he was away with from the Red Sox. Why can’t I have some fun?”
Toews added, “They can get pretty crazy some nights. I saw our trumpet player eat three short stacks at IHop one night after a long show. Man, that was crazy.”
When asked how late they stay, Toews said sometimes the party will last until, “9 or maybe even 10.”
When approached for comment, Kane responded, “9 or 10? Is he serious? Sometimes I don’t get out of bed until midnight. But, whatever floats his boat. That leaves more ladies out there for me. Sometimes it’s tough to get a 10, so the more out there, the easier it is to add up to 10.”