With their adventurous, high-scoring style, the Blackhawks took to winning — and losing — a lot of games 6-5 last season. But they may have just landed the free agent they need to provide steady defense in their own zone: a high-tech security system from the fine folks at ADT.

“We expect this new system of ADT cameras and motion-sensors to notify players when an opponent breeches our territory,” said team GM Stan Bowman. “And if nobody on the ice does anything about it, a soothing ADT operator will come over the loudspeakers, calm everybody down and alert the proper authorities.”

The contract is extremely flexible, with a relatively low cap-hit and a team option for every year. In this off-season of high-demands from free agents, the Hawks managed to find a steal.

“ADT will pair perfectly on a line with Nick Leddy,” said coach Joel Quenneville. “Assuming Leddy can remember the deactivation code. And he better, because bailing him out of jail would not be in the budget.”

Bandwagon Dan