Eli Manning was honored over the weekend as “Most Valuable Dad” at Citi Field in a Father’s Day tribute. The Mets brought in the two-time champion in the hopes he would help generate some ticket sales. The publicity stunt was a failure however, when Manning was injured by a rogue staircase during his attempt to beat the traffic and leave after the 2nd inning.
“It just completely blind-sided me,” Manning said. “There was no way to avoid it.”
Manning made it nearly all the way down the staircase but slipped on the last step, hyper-extending his right leg and tearing his anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) and medial collateral ligament (MCL) at the same time. Doctors also reported that Manning’s scrotum was partially ruptured in the accident.
“It’s unfortunate that he wasn’t wearing cleats at the time,” said Mets Physical Therapist and Designated Philosopher John Zajac. “This would never have happened had the Father’s Day ceremony been hosted by any other team at literally any other space or time, anywhere else in the universe, or even in another dimension. God must have a sense of humor.”
This injury comes as no surprise to anybody but Mets brass.
Medical experts and Mets fans understand that anybody who wears Mets gear and steps out onto the field assumes the risk of either catastrophic freak accidents or career-ending, permanent slumps. The incident comes at a bad time for the Mets, as the Giants’ ownership may be added to long list of plaintiffs seeking damage reparations from the team. The Wilp0ns had just paid off their ConEd bill after getting the power shut off, and also paid the fines levied by the U.S. Office of Labor Law Enforcement for allegedly violating labor laws, which included a statute recently passed that bans hiring hot dog vendors as professional baseball players.
Manning’s doctors are optimistic, but the quarterback is unlikely to recover from the injury. Baseball historians note that even if Manning recovers physically, he would likely suffer from depression and would be unable to perform such simple tasks as balancing a checkbook.
Mets fan Jerry Seinfeld was present at the game, and commented “What’s the deal with stairs anyway?”