Following a season that produced just seven wins, the Bobcats are focusing on acquiring talent this off-season. However, being completely devoid of the ability to assess actual NBA talent, owner and “Space Jam” star Michael Jordan has decided to call on some of his old friends to revamp the franchise Monstars, which were featured in the film.

Jordan has recently been in contract discussions on bringing over two of the five Monstars: the Shawn Bradley and Muggsy Bogues embodied “Nerdlucks,” their 20-foot tall frames should provide useful for the dunking over any opponent. Though even Monstar Bradley is lanky and slow.

Nevertheless, Jordan has only been able to sign Wayne Knight, who should challenge most starters on the current Bobcats Roster.

When bombarded by questions from reporters on these outrageous claims, Jordan assured the media:  “These players can straight up ball, and even if they were defeated by a group of Looney Tunes, they should be able to beat out Bismack Biyombo and Gerald Henderson who are cartoons in their own right.”

Brew Dreesus