After a 9-4 loss Friday afternoon to the Cincinnati Reds brought the Chicago Cubs to a season record of 3-11, Cubs fans were left with that dreaded feeling of despair that the ball club usually manages to fend off until at least mid-May.

“We knew the honeymoon with the new administration was going to end sometime, and we’d still be stuck with a crappy team,” said Chicago native Aaron Nordstrom. “We just didn’t know it was going to end 14 games into the season. I mean what the…?”

In an attempt to let the fans know that management empathizes with their situation, new Cubs president Theo Epstein has ordered an immediate change to tradition around Wrigley Field.

“I know the organization is rich with tradition,” said Epstein. “And I know the ‘W’ flag flown after a victory is a welcome sight for many fans. I just don’t think we’re going to see it a lot this year. Hence, I’ve ordered that a ‘WTF’ flag be made so that our fans can have a banner that more adequately expresses their feelings on a day-to-day basis. Call it a reflection of the current ‘Cubs Way’.”

Protocol has not yet been established for the flying of the new flag. However, popular sentiment is that the flag should be hoisted sometime around the 7th inning of each game—regardless of whether the Cubs are winning or losing.

“That makes sense to me,” said Nordstrom. “If we’re up, I know the bullpen is going to blow it. If we’re down, I know it’s because we haven’t had a runner reach second base all game, and we ain’t comin’ back. Either way, I’ll be screaming that phrase between gulps of beer.”

Photoshop by Joel Nielsen

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