With as bad as the Cubs have been to start this year, they are looking for anything living, moving or Woo-Wooing to somehow help the club and restore this proud franchise. That’s why yesterday, the Cubs signed Hologram Tupac as their late inning defensive replacement for left fielder Alfonso Soriano.

Hologram Tupac was first introduced to the media at the Coachella Music Festival last weekend, though told to be a $400,000 stage hologram, Cubs President Theo Epstein was optimistic.

“Everyone said he was shot in 1996, but even dead he looks good,” said Epstein ” The way he hovered like that, probably gets better jumps than Soriano too. Plus, with no actual mass to touch the ball he technically cannot get an error.”

The Cubs are eager to work Hologram Tupac into the lineup in coming days, though the effects of a bleacher beer spill are yet to be determined.

Hologram Tupac changed his tune however when he first walked into Wrigley Field:

“I’ve been dead 16 years, and still I see no championships!” said Shakur “But I guess that’s just the way it is.”


Brew Dreesus