The 5-game suspension handed down by the Miami Marlins couldn’t have come at a better time for manager Ozzie Guillen, who will now be able to accept dictator Fidel Castro’s offer to “hang out in Cuba” for a while.

“At first I thought I’d have to pass up the chance to chill with Fidel because of work,” said Guillen. “But thanks to my big mouth, I get to see all the oppressed people up close! Fidel says it’s going to be a blast and I’ll be treated like a king. I love that guy!”

Heckler George