In an effort to give big man Brian Scalabrine more exposure, the Chicago Bulls marketing honchos have landed on “Shoot Brian Scalabrine from a Cannon Night!”
The affable red head has become a beloved fan favorite and looking for expanded opportunities to take advantage of his personality has become an obsession with Bulls brass.
“The crowd practically wets themselves when Brian stands up to release gas from in-game hot dogs and beer,” said marketing intern Morris Blackman. “Imagine what they’ll do if he’s shot out of a cannon.”
The cannon shot was originally nixed by Bulls mascot Benny the Bull due to the chance of injury or death. But for Scalabrine, anything he can do for the team is go time.
“I wave the towel, pat guys on the bottom and even tell Boozer to guard someone,” said Scalabrine. “I am all about team. If stuffing me into a cannon and exploding me across our home court into a small netting can gives us an edge … I’m all for it!”
The promotion will coincide with the anniversary celebration of the Bulls 1992 championship. Jack Haley, the original towel waver, turned down the chance to be shot across the luxury cars of Michael Jordan in an earlier version of this idea.