Once again this season the Blackhawks have found themselves lacking stability in the net. But now that Ray Emery has apparently seized control of the starting gig, Corey Crawford is coming up with some answers of his own to get back in the game: less heavy padding and more riot gear.

“It’s tough popping back up with an extra 20 pounds strapped to you,” said Crawford. “But I figure that ice will feel pretty cold through the spandex. In fact, the brisk arena air whipping past my nether regions will probably keep me alert for an entire game.”

Instead of a blocker, Crawford will also now take to the ice with a riot shield. The curved shield has the advantage of deflecting rebounds away from the goal and toward the Hawks’ defense, rather than back out in front where the bigger forwards of the NHL have been known to hang out.

Crow’s new red spandex unitard has improved his lateral speed and mobility so much, now Emery is considering donning one.

“I wouldn’t mind getting back into some form-fitting clothes again,” said Emery. “I started out as an ice dancer, you know. And Corey looks so pretty. I mean …  so pretty awesome.”

Image by Joel N.
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