The reviews are in on Wrigley Field’s right field Budweiser Patio area plans, and Chicago’s corporate stiffs can’t wait.

“I feel like it’s going to be a tremendous asset,” said complete zero Kirk Thomas, who works as a bond trader or something. “I’m planning to leverage the right field patio to network with clients. It’s really going to add value to the Wrigley experience.”

Corporate tools aren’t the only ones excited, as Chicago’s obnoxious drunks scored a big win.

“My ‘Shut Up and Drink Your Beer’ Wrigley Field shirt will be perfect for the patio,” said local alcoholic bozo John Tilden. “It’s gonna be epic.”

Reaction was also positive with the lunch crowd at Dick’s Last Resort.

“I’m pumped,” said total tool Bill Stevenson, while adjusting his cell phone belt clip before heading back to his ad agency job in River North. “Me and the rest of my bros are totally gonna crush beers and pick up tons of chicks on that patio. Cubbies! Woooo!”

Quinn Perkins