The Harbaugh brothers are resorting to violence this Super Bowl Sunday as a means of coping with being left out of the game. In order to vent their frustrations about kickers sealing their fate in both the NFC and AFC Championship games, Jim Harbaugh, head coach of the 49ers, and John Harbaugh, head coach of the Baltimore Ravens, will spend the day seeking out and beating mercilessly any kickers they can get their hands on.

Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff missed a 32-yard-field goal with seconds left against the Patriots, removing them from the Super Bowl, and Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes also kept a Harbaugh family member, Jim, from the big game with his last second make to beat the 49ers. The two losing Harbaugh coaches have since spun off in a tyrannical and destructive path seeking to cause bodily harm at the object of their fury: all kickers on planet earth.

Kickers everywhere have responded with fear and horror. San Diego kicker Nate Kaeding has fled into seclusion.

“I’m just headed back home to Iowa City,” said Kaeding. “They’ll never get me there, it’s almost impossible to find the place.”

Others, like Jets kicker Nick Folk, have taken on disguises to protect themselves.

“I was just fitted for a Marilyn Monroe wig and a sundress,” said Folk. “Drastic times call for drastic measures.”

As for the unfortunate situation for Cundiff, his fate remains to be sealed according to the Harbaugh brothers.

“He’s been in his therapist’s office for two weeks solid,” said John. “But once that little weasel shows his face … it’s Harbaugh time.”

Brother Jim, feeling the need to chime in, only responded with an adolescent “Yeah! Harbaugh time!”

By Andy Landgrebe

Andy Landgrebe