Punxsutawney Phil made a surprise appearance at Wrigley Field Thursday, emerging from the Cubs dugout and seeing a very long shadow. According to Phil’s handlers, the large rodent firmly predicted a losing season for the Cubs.
“He was very adamant,” said Ben Griffith, a member of the Groundhog Club that manages Phil’s appearances and are the only ones who understand ‘Groundhogese.’ “He came out of the dugout and immediately saw the long shadow of Jim Hendry.”
According to Griffith, Phil blurted, “Shadow? Hell, it’s not just about the shadow! Have you seen the damn roster? Have you seen the minor league prospects? Still got Hendry’s fingerprints on it. They’re gonna suck so bad fans will wish it was still winter.”
Phil reportedly then wandered into the Cubs clubhouse and began eating leftover snacks from Carlos Zambrano’s locker.