With his season ended at the hands of the New England Patriots in the AFC divisional round, Denver Broncos QB/deity Tim Tebow recently announced his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.
“It turns out I actually won the Florida GOP primary,” he said. “So I figured I might as well go with it. I’m pretty much recovered from the rib cage and lung injuries I suffered in the Patriots game, and I’m deeply disturbed by the direction of this great country under the leadership of Mr. Obama. The best way I can effect change is to become President.”
When asked if entering the race at such a late date would be a handicap, Tebow laughed, pointing out, “I already took all 50 delegates in Florida without campaigning! I mean seriously, who in Florida was going to vote for Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney over me? The momentum gained in Florida should pretty easily get me the nomination, right?”
At this point his supporters erupted with applause and chants of “Te-Bow! Te-Bow!”
RNC chairman Reince Priebus admitted that all the party’s candidates pretty much sucked and Tebow was awesome.
“He’s got a passport and a football card that identify him as one Mr. Tim Tebow. That’s enough for me,” Priebus stated on a nicely printed press release.
John Elway, Denver’s vice president of football operations, expressed doubt whether Tebow could throw effectively enough to become a President, while Rush Limbaugh fainted from joy upon hearing the news. Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum immediately dropped out of the race.
