The Bears have finally found their next GM, and they’ve given him carte blanche to carry out whatever head coach Lovie Smith tells him to do.

“We’re giving Phil [Emery] the enormous responsibility to do Lovie’s bidding,” said team president Ted Phillips. “Drafting. Coaching decisions. Free agents. These are just a few of the things that he will be in charge of under the Lovie regime. He will of course also have to legally become part of Lovie’s family so that the nepotism stays intact.”

According to Emery, he looks forward to Phillips and Smith deciding for him whether Smith should receive another contract extension after 2012 season.

“Look, if we get like seven or eight wins, I’m pretty sure management will force me to rehire Lovie,” he said. “I can’t wait.”

Heckler George