‘Grab a Schlitz Here’ is going to be the slogan for the latest improvement to the quality of life around Wrigley Field. The struggling beer company plans to install a single unisex and handicap accessible Port-O-Potty on the corner of Addison and Clark Streets.
“It’s going to be a fun place for everyone who loves going to Cub games to meet up and hang out,” said Swig Hanson, a spokesman from Schlitz. “We are also going to put out a couple of folding chairs just in case the line gets too long.”
Hanson showed the blueprint to a couple of guys hanging around outside the Hilton this weekend. “Street” Jimmy Connolly nodded his approval of the plan.
“That’s pretty cool. I’d like to have a place to wash up at. That lake is so damn cold most of the year.”
Wilfred “Dirty Mouth” Washington also seemed impressed with what the Cubs organization is doing to make the Wrigley Field experience better.
“As soon as baseball season starts I am going to move my stuff out from Lower Wacker and get on up to Wrigleyville.”
The Port-O-Potty will be put in place 24 hours before opening day and removed when the Cubs season ends, which in all likelihood will be October 3. Schlitz is going to cover the expenses of having the Port-O-Potty cleaned once a month.
Hanson seemed excited about the merger between Schlitz and the Cubs. Just before he boarded a bus back to Texas he delivered a little jab at the competition.
“We may not be able to afford to do anything inside the stadium, but I think Cubs fans are going to like what Schlitz has to offer. And it’s going to be free.”