New Cubs manager Dale Sveum has already heard the catcalls from disgruntled fans, even though he hasn’t yet coached one game in a Cubs uniform. To get a jump on the hecklers at Wrigley Field, Sveum has filed papers to formally change his name to “Dale Sandberg.”

“You try ordering a coffee at Starbucks and hearing ‘It should have been Ryno’ from some jerk barista every damn time,” Sveum lamented. “By changing my name to Dale Sandberg, at the very least I might confuse the drunk fans at the ballpark.”

Sveum will even sport the retired No. 23 on his uniform this season, a move fully endorsed by Cubs management.

“It is important to get all of our fans behind Dale,” said Cubs President Theo Epstein. 
“Let’s face it, some of our fans aren’t too bright and/or dangerously intoxicated. And those fans are already doubly peeved because of the whole rebuilding thing. So when the Sandberg #23 jersey pops out of the dugout to make a pitching change and the inebriated crowd goes wild, everybody wins.”