A fastball to the backstop, a slider in the dirt, a curveball in the middle of the batter’s back … it’s all in an inning’s work for Cubs closer Carlos Marmol. Despite having some of the nastiest stuff in all of baseball, being able to harness those pitches has been a challenge for the erratic righty.

Apparently the control issues carry beyond the mound for Marmol as he has been missing his spots all off-season with the pen, often signing his autograph three to six feet beyond the intended target. When stopped for a signature outside the Hilton Chicago prior to the Cubs Convention, Marmol accidentally signed a kid’s face, despite aiming for his t-shirt.

“There’s nothing like the taste of a black Sharpie for breakfast,” said little Timmy Jepson, the victim of Marmol’s errant John Hancock. “But hopefully I can get a few extra bucks when I try to sell my autographed face on eBay.“

Others around the area have also felt the wrath, including a Streeterville woman who showed off a Carlos Marmol signature on her upper left breast which she claimed to have received after presenting the wayward pitcher with a Cubs poster to sign.

By Jeremy Barewin

Jeremy Barewin