The New York City Civil Court docket was busy yesterday as ten offensive starters for the beleaguered New York Jets all attempted to file for the same name: An Anonymous Source.
The name change petitions come in the wake of a recent New York Daily News article in which several Jets players ripped their own quarterback, Mark Sanchez, without providing their name as the source of the information.
The players have been chastised publicly on sports talk radio and television programs—many commentators calling the acts cowardly and dubious. As a response, the starters decided to be clearer about their intentions.
“I didn’t think I was saying anything anonymously,” stated wide receiver Santonio Holmes, who was first to file for the name change. “I publicly think Sanchez stinks. I really wanted my name on the record on that one. Hence, to clear things up, I want to change my name to An Anonymous Source so everybody knows it was me.”
Other players have grown concerned that Holmes will claim the name given his early filing. Running back Shonn Greene has made a list of backup names just in case.
“I plan on going with ‘A Source Close to the Situation’ or maybe ‘The Undisclosed Person’. Hopefully those names will still be available.”
The only starter not looking to change his name was Sanchez. However, a statement from a source close to the situation indicated that Sanchez was attempting to change his name to Eli Manning.