Cubs fans who don’t want to be completely depressed about sexual assault allegations against Starlin Castro have been encouraged by the team to do nothing but look at pictures of puppies on the Internet all day.
“Dealing with the reality of our team’s young cornerstone being accused of something this despicable can be crushing,” said Cubs president Theo Epstein while browsing The Daily Puppy at the desk of his Wrigley Field office, “so we’re asking all our fans and employees to find a stress-free way to take their mind off this mess. Countless photos of puppies should do the trick.”
Epstein urged that fans not rush to judgement on either side of this issue and “definitely, whatever you do, don’t look at any of the Cubs fan message boards out there. Those things are filled with idiot trolls.”