It appears nobody is immune to Theo Epstein’s efforts to make the entire Cubs organization more youthful, athletic and cost effective. The new Cubs president announced today that he has worked out a deal to ship TV broadcasters Len Kasper and Bob Brenly to the Class-A Fort Wayne TinCaps for a pair of 23-year-old broadcasters holding no experience other than recently obtained degrees from Ball State.

“Why do I want to pay Len and Bob their salaries so I can hear them bitch about not having Prince Fielder all summer?” said Epstein. “I just gave up huge salaries to gain club control over these kids for the next nine years. Who cares if one of them is the kid that says ‘Boom goes the dynamite’?”

Epstein continued. “Do I really want to listen to Brenly secretly pine for Dale Sveum’s job? I mean for crying out loud, I just hired the guy and I know that Bob’s already planning to rip him for not putting Sean Marshall in during the eight inning of our opening game. We don’t even have Sean Marshall anymore!”

When asked to comment, Kasper only stated, “Fort effing Wayne? Can’t I just be traded to the Nippon Ham Fighters?” Brenly could not be contacted because he is currently on tour with his side-project band, “Randy Johnson’s Coattails.”

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