Following a lackluster 2011 in which he only saved four or five people’s lives, Superman has resolved to be more like Blackhawks Captain Jonathan Toews next year.

“It starts with the little things,” said the man of steel. “I need to work hard 100% of the time, just like Mr. Toews does. No more turning up the TV, pretending I didn’t hear that damsel in distress screaming on the train tracks as the locomotive approaches.”

Superman also admires the way Toews sets a good example for his teammates.

“A lot of times, one of the other Super Friends will be like ‘hey, we should take a vacation instead of stopping that villain’s diabolical plan,’ and then I’m like ‘how about Tahiti?’” said Superman. “What kind of example is that? I should go stop the villain myself so they learn through my actions.”

Heckler George