Only two days after news broke that Brewers’ star Ryan Braun tested positive for elevated levels of synthetic testosterone, another bombshell rocked the baseball world when Mets cornerstone David Wright tested positive for heightened levels of estrogen.
“I’m not shocked at all,” said Dr. Ed Fuhl, the man who treated David after his concussion in 2009. “Doctor-patient confidentiality states I’m not allowed to reveal that David Wright had more estrogen in his system than any man I’ve ever treated but … oh boy. Can we scratch that from the record?”
Sources claim Wright began taking estrogen pills in 2008 after it was revealed that an over-the-counter vitamin he used daily was on the new list of MLB’s banned substances.
“He’s been pretty much ‘reverse doping’ for a few years now,” said Wright’s strength coach, Mickey Gregory. “His bench press went from 350 to 165, and he lost most of his core strength, which is probably why he’s had those nagging back injuries. It also explains his noodle arm at third. I advised against it, but it was his call.”
Wright has seen his all-star level numbers drop drastically over the past few years, and while many people believe the dimensions of Citi Field messed with his confidence, he admits, the estrogen intake was the main culprit.
“I didn’t realize what I was putting in my body, I thought it would counteract the testosterone,” Wright said through whimpers. “I play the game with pride and never wanted to see my name on a banned substance list. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
While Braun faces up to a 50-game suspension, the league has said they will not seek any punishment for Wright, claiming “he’s embarrassed himself enough already.”